Ashley's Story: Three Peaks

My name is Ashley, and I have been suffering with derealisation disorder for 3 years now and only recently got diagnosed this year. It was really hard trying to find out what was wrong with me because everyone I spoke to didn’t really know what it was - until I found out about the Maudsley Hospital, which then I had to get in touch with myself and got an assessment. They said that I qualified for 16 sessions of CBT therapy specially for DPRD over Microsoft Teams which I am currently still on the waiting list for.

The main cause for me developing derealisation disorder is trauma as a child. My mum and dad used to argue a lot when I was around which made me an anxious child because I was always in the middle of it all feeling scared. I didn’t get anxiety bad until I was 24 but the psychologists I spoke to said the anxiety can come out of you as you get older from the trauma as a child. I started getting negative, horrible OCD thoughts that I couldn’t get out my head, which then caused panic attacks that made my brain go into this mode (derealisation disorder) and it’s stuck ever since. I still get the OCD thoughts now and then but no anxiety or depression - I just feel like I’m in a dream constantly.

I’ve recently done the national 3 peaks in 24 hours challenge with family and friends to raise awareness and money for Unreal. I wanted to do this because I want more people to be aware of this disorder and I would love to help others who are struggling just like myself and would like to find a cure for it one day. When I was doing the challenge it was hard to take anything in like the scenery and things because nothing seems real to me - it just all looks like a big dream even though I know I’m living in real life. I just can’t feel everything around me like I used to before. Apart from that I am able to accept things a bit more and actually enjoyed the challenge - it was a great achievement when we finished and made me feel proud doing it whilst I had derealisation disorder!